Phil: It isn't, but if Carlsberg made F1 themed ringtones...or maybe it would be better as an answerphone message.
The world of F1 has gone suddenly quiet, as it always does this time of year. Which leaves us with nothing to talk about except the driver market, and even here there's less than usual, as all the top teams are sticking with the blokes they had last year. There's been a sudden flurry of teams changing their names, so for comedy/nostalgia purposes, I'm going to use the old names. In some cases the very old names.
Stewart ('Red Bull') - Vettel and Webber
McLaren (for it is they) - Button and Hamilton
Ferrari (for it is still they) - Alonso and Massa
Tyrrell ('Mercedes') (you'd forgotten about them, hadn't you? I can feel a Tyrrell tribute coming on) - Rosberg and Schumacher
So no change there. The big surprise as my co-blogger has explained has been
Toleman ('Lotus') (avoiding the obvious multiple Senna legacy cash-in opportunities by sacking his nephew) - Raikkonen and Grosjean
By now we're in the midfield
Jordan ('Force India') - probably di Resta, if they have any sense, and either Sutil or current test driver Hulkenberg
Minardi ('Toro Rosso') - any two of four Red Bull young drivers (Buemi, Alguersuari, Ricciardo and Vergne)
Sauber ('Sauber') - Kobayashi and Perez
Williams (for they are still around) - Maldonado has been confirmed, and the other Williams seat is more or less the only half decent drive still up for grabs, with Senna and Petrov (ditched by the team formerly known as Renault), Sutil (if he doesn't get the Force India drive) and 2011 Williams driver Barrichello fighting over it.
And the 'new' teams, who are now old enough to have 'old' names too
Lotus ('Caterham') - Trulli and Kovalainen
Virgin ('Marussia') - Glock, and new boy Charles Pic replaces Jerome d'Ambrosio
Hispania ('still slow') - de la Rosa is back (again?), and the last remaining seat for whoever doesn't get the drive at Williams.
Hopefully you're slightly less confused than before, although perhaps only slightly. If more confusion is what you're after, then know that ex-Tyrrell, ex-Zakspeed, ex-Benetton, ex-Ligier, ex-McLaren, ex-Jordan man (have I missed any out?) Martin Brundle is now also ex-BBC as he will now be commentating for Sky.
Might I say how much I will miss Martin's commentary enhancing my enjoyment of racing - to my mind the only man to come close to the great Murray Walker (metaphorically speaking).
His replacement in the BBC 'drive' is Ben Edwards, who I initially thought was The Stig (that'll be Ben Collins) and then realised I didn't know who he was. Humphreys, Coulthard, Jordan and McKenzie retain their 'drives' while Kravitz is off to Sky.
How many days to FP1 at Melbourne?
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