Phil: The first race of the season, in Bahrain, having been postponed, perhaps until late in the season, perhaps indefinitely, and testing almost over, the F1 media has been forced to print some bollocks.
None of it's made up, as far as I know, but it's all bollocks nonetheless because, well, there isn't any real news. Here's our roundup of the choicest snippets.
Ron Dennis has been banned from driving for 6 months for jumping a red light. Wrong sort of points, Ron! I wonder if he wore a naff 80s leather jacket in court. That won't have helped.
Bernie wants to spice up otherwise tediously dull races on circuits designed to make overtaking impossible by introducing artificial rain. Some sort of giant sprinkler system will go off at a pre-ordained moment when Ferrari have just put wets on. Mark Webber thinks it's a silly idea. Sadly the alternative idea, having every race at Spa, didn't get off the drawing board.
Sebastian Vettel wins the no shit sherlock award for saying, 'I'm smart enough to know we all have zero points starting this year'. I think he means, 'testing pace doesn't necessarily equal race pace'.
Kimi Raikkonen's back! So if you're at a race and there's a queue for the gents you know whose fault it is.
That's all for now.
NB. One of the above was made up.
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