Not bad for a number 2 driver..

Justin: We usually cover Formula 1 on this blog, but this past weekend I attended my esteemed colleague's stag celebrations. There was Karting involved and with it controversy, intrigue, anger, speed, collisions, backmarkers and Gavin (Winston) getting bumped from pillar to post because he was just too damn slow (again). At least this time his ribs escaped punishment.

We arrived at the Karting venue to be met by nobody. I might add at this point that I have a severe axe to grind against this so called karting establishment in Edmonton. All will be revealed in due course. Taxi's arranged by the venue to pick us up from the train station were late and rude and seemingly angry with us because we weren't aware what the second taxi looked like...we were just supposed to know apparently. Anyway....we arrived at the venue and spent 5 minutes mincing around reception on our own wandering around and wondering what the hell was going on. A woman with far too much energy came and greeted us and invited us to put names or nicknames down on a sheet. We weren't aware until after our names had been inked in that the positions we'd written in would directly relate to our car numbers.

So, we had myself as Mark Webber driving car number 2 (which he will be this coming season). We had my colleague in car number 5. Just call him Phil "Our Nige, Red 5" Smith. Gavin was in car number 1....an easy way for me to despise him on track as he was Sebastian Vettel!

The briefing and safety video was laughable. This involved such crucial information as "the track is one way only, please remember". They also told us to not to bump each other....erm...yeah ok!!! Everyone has to bump Gavin at least once I thought??

We assembled downstairs to look at the track and prepare for qualifying. 15 minutes to set the fastest lap and grab pole on the grid.

Finding an open space to pelt the kart around a 25 second lap with 9 cars on track is difficult to say the least. Or at least I found it difficult. I noticed straight away that there were two potential adversaries out there for me. He who called himself "diddy" and a chap called Chris. Anyway, qualifying over we headed to trackside to check out the grid. I had placed 3rd, 0.83 of a second from pole and around half a second ahead of 4th, which was Mr Smith, followed by Gavin in 5th.

We all saw this on the tv screen.

So, I was 3rd on the grid, not ideal but it was ok as I knew who my targets were for the race. Namely Chris and Diddy....and keep Phil behind me off the start (yes I know it was his stag do but I let nobody drive past me whilst karting!).

We received a print out of all our quali laps and placings....and this is where it starts to go wrong for me personally. We compared fastest laps and I was indeed 3rd fastest in quali, hence 3rd on the grid. However, the placings from first to ninth did not look correct, but I don't think anyone thought much of it at the time as we'd all seen who was where anyway.

So, we watch the stupidly young (what was he, 10??) marshall lining up our cars in the pits and the first alarm bells should have gone off for me. Car number 2 was at the back of one of the lines. Again I thought little of it until I actually got onto the grid where I found myself in 8th spot just behind Phil and Gavin.

The red mist descended instantly. I was absolutely fucking furious and seething. I ripped my visor up and remonstrated with the marshall who had just directed me to my position. I was shouting "I am supposed to be bloody 3rd on the grid, I'm 0.83 seconds behind first for christs sake, I saw it, we all saw it on the TV display". He checked with the control room via radio. "yeah, number 2 thinks he is 3rd on the grid". I didnt hear the reply through my seething anger at seeing my hard earned 3rd go to bollocks. He waived his hands in a dismissive manner and said "sorry the computer says you're 8th". I slammed my hands onto the wheel and thought "right then, fuck this lot and fuck this place, I'm furious and am going to drive over everyone and win!!!". I really didnt care at the point if I caused a first corner pile up...I just thought....I'm having this!!!

Phil "Our Nige, Red 5" could see all this and could tell from the body language that it wasn't good. He too was wondering why I was at the back of the grid. I hadnt been that naughty as to incur a penalty after all.

Even now looking back I still can't begin to describe how truly angry I was.

The lights went out and I floored it. I went from 8th to 5th by the end of the first lap, managing to avoid leaving a trail of chaos behind me.

By the end of lap 3 I was 3rd. More than once I found myself flying around corners flat out yelling "do I look like I'm fucking 8th fastest?" at any of the marshalls I thought would actually hear me....it's funny how the red mist destroys all reason and common sense within one. At one point I actually shook my fist at the guy who I got angry with on the grid, hurling abuse at him that he had no chance of hearing. Did I care? It drove me on and made me feel good.

There was a bit of a gap to Chris and Diddy, but I caught them via a slow yellow flag and managed a better restart than they did. By the end of lap 4 I was 2nd, at which point a titanic battle with diddy ensued. I managed to overtake him on a yellow flag restart on lap 11. Between laps 4 to 11 I must say Chris made my life absolute hell trying to overtake me. We carved through any backmarkers together. I had the guy chasing me for 12 laps to the end....arrgghh!! It's not easy focussing on the guy behind whilst trying to overtake someone ahead! At various points we were alongside each other, he dropped back a bit, then caught me up near the end of the race. I'd spent around 3 laps stuck behind Winston trying to lap him....where the hell were the blue flags eh?? This bunched Chris into diddy and diddy into myself....a queue of traffic behind Winston.

At the hairpin Gavin went wide, I was alongside him, he turned in, I carried on into the corner and we collided. Diddy went by me on a yellow flag as he wasnt involved. I then set out to get him again, but as I trailed in behind him to complete the lap the chequered flag was raised.

Bollocks to that I thought. If I hadn't of bumped into Gavin I'd have probably won the race.

I was on a major adrenaline rush after the race and couldnt stop going on about my grid travesty. I even walked into the control room to confront whichever Jabroni cost me my placing. They didnt have an explanation for me, so to this day I still feel annoyed about it.

I've just worked out what happened actually. The karting place seemed to treat quali like an actual race. I slowed down a lot and was thusly two laps down on the guy who did the most laps. Hence I was 8th.

WHAT KIND OF KARTING PLACE BASES QUALIFYING ON A RACE BASIS AS OPPOSED TO A FLYING LAP/QUICKEST LAP BASIS?!!!!

I shall be writing to tell them a) they smegged up and b) they suck.

I've been told by Winston that most other racers worked out the cock up after the race...but they daren't tell me....either that or they didnt care. Bah!

Still, Mr Smith pointed out I probably wouldnt have driven as I had done if I'd started 3rd. The man has a point. I drove with a point to prove, a chip on my shoulder and an angry devil may care aggression.

Elsewhere Phil came in a solid 5th whilst Gavin complained about being scared and being bumped 6 times. He said he was going to stop at one point. Thats the issue....if you get scared, thats it, you are done for before you have even started.

I very nearly lost it a few times....once I was going full throttle around a corner onto the start/finish straight and literally bounced into the tyres and carried on.

8th to 2nd (including leading for the last half of the race).....not bad for a number 2.