Bring on the sub-headings

Phil: I completely agree (as always) with my learned co-blogger that so much was going on at Sepang on Sunday that we need an A to Z to find our way through it.

A. Alonso
General consensus in the paddock is that Alonso is the best driver of his generation, but that he rarely has a car to flatter his talents. General consensus also says that this year's Ferrari is the worst car they've built in years. At Sepang, as in any wet race, the performance differential between a good car, a mediocre car and a really awful car is to a certain extent levelled off, and raw driver talent plays a much bigger role. Alonso's win tends to prove both theories correct. Together with his fifth place in Melbourne, it also gives him the lead in the world championship. But - and it's a big but - even he acknowledged after the race that at dry races it's going to be damage limitation.

B. Bruno Senna
Nice one.

C. Coverage
I'm afraid I don't subscribe to any of conspiracy theories doing the rounds about Sky sabotaging the BBC's access to the juicy bits. All broadcasters' pictures are the same as they come direct from FOM (Formula One Management), so this should really be under B for Bernie. Or even B for bollocks. After all, it would hardly be the first time the producer has shown us a shot of someone pitting from eighth place when someone else is challenging from the lead.

G. Grosjean
Qualifies well, goes off in first lap incidents. We're only two races in though and the first one was a simple racing incident (at the time I'd have put the blame more at Maldonado's feet, actually) so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

K. Kimi
Before the season started I confidently predicted Kimi would be a laughing stock by the beginning of the European season. However, his pre-race poo strategy is really paying off and it's not beyond the realm of possibility that he might actually win a race this year.

L. Lewis
I fear my co-blogger may have misinterpreted my earlier blog as tending to be supportive of Lewis when I was actually taking the piss out of him. He seems not to have taken the hint either (anyone would think he doesn't actually read this blog), so I think things now need to be spelt out to him.

Lewis. When you first came into F1, I was a huge fan. I was impressed by your maturity as well as your talent. I was impressed that you weren't overawed by having a double world champion for a team-mate. I was genuinely over the moon the next year when you became the first British world champion in over a decade having given us the Official Best Race Ever (see last year). But now I have tell you you irritate me more than any of the other drivers. More than Kimi. More than Alonso. More than Vettel. More even than Michael Schumacher. And the reason is this. When things don't go your way, you sulk. You're second in the world championship, and you're sulking now. And I think the reason you sulk is that you can't deal with failure. Your life except for the last 2-3 years has been one success after the other. You've been a champion in every form of motorsport you've entered, including the very highest. So you've never learned that sometimes, in racing, and in life, things don't go your way. Sometimes you can give it every ounce of breath and every drop of sweat you have, and still watch it all fall to pieces on the very last lap. Just look at Maldonado last weekend. Some drivers spend their whole careers doing that. You're lucky, you're a world champion. But you're not special. You don't have a god-given right to have everything your own way. When they don't, that doesn't mean there is some kind of conspiracy against you, that's just racing. The thing that worries me the most, Lewis, is that you're slowly but surely turning into Ayrton Senna. By the end of the season you might very well be shunting Jenson off into the kitty litter at the first corner at Suzuka, then telling everyone he had it coming to him. And you know what happens then. Gerhard Berger throws your briefcase out of a helicopter and fills your hotel room with frogs. Oh yes. Don't say we didn't warn you.

P. Perez
It's pissing down with rain and a promising young Latin American driver scores an amazing second place which was very nearly a win. As James Hunt might have said, this marks the arrival of Sergio Perez as a major new talent within Formula 1.

S. Schumi
He's 43 years old, he was world champion 7 times and won 91 races along the way. He has nothing to prove to anyone, but he is still beating his team-mate, has started both races this year from the second row of the grid and seems to be having the time of his life (well, apart from winning everything in sight for about 10 years). I'm actually almost warming to the old sod.

V. Vettel
Slightly uncharitable about Karthikeyan I thought. It's difficult to go any faster when you've only got an HRT to drive. However we won't put him in the naughty corner, because Lewis is already there.

On thing is 'for sure' (as racing drivers don't say any more). We're in for a cracking season.